Growing Trend Toward ‘Pushover Parenting’
By Mary Rettig
August 12, 2005
(AgapePress) – The vice president and psychologist in residence of Focus on the Family says the new study that finds many teens get alcohol from their parents is an indication of an even bigger problem. The study found that 24 percent of teens say their parents have given them alcohol, and 21 percent have been to a party where alcohol was supplied by the parents.
Focus on the Family’s Dr. Bill Maier says the results of the study are disturbing but perhaps to be expected in light of another problem of increasing prevalence — the problem of what he calls pushover parents. “Unfortunately, there are a significant number of parents in this country who are unable or unwilling to provide their children with the moral guidance they so desperately need,” he says.
“These parents are so concerned about being liked by their kids that they fail to place any limits on their children’s behavior — even behavior that is dangerous or destructive,” Maier continues. He points to recent examples: a single mom in Florida, who stands accused of having sex with her son’s 15-year-old friend while he was spending the night at their house; and a Colorado case in which a woman allegedly threw parties for her teenage son and his friends, giving them alcohol and sexual favors.
Similar cases have occurred nationwide, and the Focus on the Family vice president sees it as a sign of a crisis in parenting. He notes, “When asked why they did that, a couple of these moms said something to the effect of ‘I wanted to be cool; I wanted the kids to like me. I wanted them to think I was a cool mom.’ So it’s shocking; but again, I’m not really surprised, given this phenomenon in our culture.”
The implications of pushover parenting are far-reaching, Maier asserts, with the children of such parents often exhibiting immaturity, a sense of entitlement, irresponsibility, and poor relationship skills. The pro-family psychologist says these parents want too much to befriend their kids instead of nurturing them by setting limits and providing the discipline their children really need.